Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you can`t handle me at my worst...I don`t blame you, neither can I.
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners...
I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And some I’d love to punch them in the face.
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.