Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
Hey.. The tequila I drank wants to tell you a secret.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Lucky Charms should be 98% Marshmallows and 2% of that other sh*t.
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
If you ever feel sad and blue, just remember that somewhere in the world, there`s a fat kid who just dropped his ice-cream.
My pants are 75% off.
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
Key to a Happy Life: Get a job where people ask, “You actually get paid for doing this?”
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.
It’s not pretty being easy.