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If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
Ways to die: Steal my food.
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
I think my “check engine” light has finally burned out. So that’s good.
"I`ll drink to that." -me to my next drink
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.