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I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
I`m not impatient. You`re just slow.
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
I bet it’s pretty hard at a mime’s funeral to figure out when the moment of silence is over.
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..