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Honk if you are reading this.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
May your life one day be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.
Tip of the day: Don`t be a douche!