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You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
Three weeks without a signal typo!
I don`t always say `oops`, but when I do, it`s usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
Never scratch your a$$ with chocolate on your fingers.
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station`s phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
Me: Mom...Dad. I`ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.
Wife really liked the "sex anytime, anywhere" coupon I gave her. Probably should have specified "with me"
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.