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The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
honestly I`ve never seen a tombstone that read "died from not forwarding a text to 10 people"
Only 2 phrases can change a woman’s mood: ”I Love You” and ”50% Off”.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
Note to self: Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you get out of a DUI.
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.