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Mazda’s marketing slogan is “We Build Mazdas.” They decided on it after rejecting others like: “Mazdas Are Cars” and “Buy Mazdas With Money”
I think the only way I’ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I’m in prison.
Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles ... Do your damn job.
Confession #156: I always prepare myself before stepping on the escalator
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.