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I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
Perhaps Nicki Minaj just lost a series of bets.
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.
There`s an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn`t just hard, it`s impossible.
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!
Have you ever noticed that half way through the ColonialPenn insurance commercial, Alex Trebek tries to pull a Jedi-Mind-Trick on us.... "This is the insurance you are looking for." (I didn`t get enough sleep last night.)
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?