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Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
"Everybody freeze!" -December
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
If you`re not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.