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Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
Does "who cares" count as advice?
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.