Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
On a math test: 2+2 = ? Me: *Use calculator just in case
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
Me: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you’re smart too, I like that.
why do i feel like you are reading this
"You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like sh!t."
No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.