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"This is bullsh!t" - bull farmer giving barn tours
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Relax, you’re not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
Walmart: the only place on Earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life "what not to wear" episode.
I really can’t kick ass, but I’m super good at taking names!
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
If at first you don`t succeed...Do it the way your wife told you to. ;)
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
My boss acts like during March Madness is the only time we`re less productive. Its cute
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...