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Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream.
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.