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I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
If you see me laughing like a crazy person, think nothing of it ..it`s just the voices in my head telling me jokes!
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"
I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don`t think they`re ugly or something.
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.