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If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.
I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
This patience thing takes forever.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
Dimples are considered a facial muscledeformity in the medical world.
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds