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Say what you want about Kim and Kanye naming their daughter North West. That kid is headed straight to the top. And slightly to the left.
The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
I tried to log in on my ipad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don`t own an ipad. Also, I`m out of vodka.
When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I`ve put in place for burglars.
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.