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When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
Pro tip: when you`re watching a show like "my five wives" with your wife, don`t suggest potential additional wives.
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
Condoms prevent minivans.
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?