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I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
!f yhu T@k yk d!$, then dont talk to me.
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
My problem is that all food is comfort food
I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
Asking me if I’m hungry, is like asking me if I like money.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?