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I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
If my girl didn`t want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn`t have said she bought it "for me." Women are confusing.
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year`s resolutions.
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the boss snuck out early, so I left too.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
That horrible moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you’re watching…
Next time you ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and just as it starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, "these just fell out of your seat."
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.