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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
I’m crazy but not “LeBron is better than Jordan” crazy.
Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
I once found a whip, a mask, a baton and handcuffs in my Mother-in-Law`s draw... who knew she was a superhero. Nice!!!
I don`t eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I`ll have to $hit more at work.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
"Size DOES matter", I whisper to my double stuffed Oreos.
No toilet paper.. goodbye socks
It took Harry Potter 7 damn long books to catch the bad guy. When it only takes Scooby-Doo 25 minutes.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!