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Here is your New Years Resolution. All of that stupid sh!t you did last year? Don’t do that crap this year. Done. You’re welcome.
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
Now that football season is here, if anyone`s favorite team loses, they can just blame it on Trump.
Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
We think therefore we must be, but are we?