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I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
tried being normal. Didn`t like the feeling, so I`m going back to being ME.
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.
Dora the explorer.... Y U NO GET GPS?
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.