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Receptionist: "The doctor will see you now." Invisible Man: "Finally, a cure!"
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
Christmas is all about getting your entire dysfunctional family under one roof, hoping the cops don`t get called and nobody gets arrested.
Without facebook: more sleep, less drama, and a life!
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
You say Iām dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
I`m hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life.
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
Iām off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
I can see your camouflage pants, so they`re not working.
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.