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No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
Dear Fork, I understand that we haven`t spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
I`m a nonviolent person until I see a spider. Then I turn into Al Capone and "I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.
The Eskimo´s allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also!