Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let`s go off script. What are you wearing?"
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.