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How can we call ourselves "evolved" when signs are needed to remind people to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom
So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
Even though I`m a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!
Give up, itsy-bitsy spider. It wasn`t meant to be.
Half of me is a hopeless romantic. And the other half of me is, well, an asshole.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
Sometimes I really think I have my life together...and then I realize my underwear is on inside-out.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
Why do single women take dating advice from other single women? That`s like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles.
Typical: you have nothing to wear for a party and suddenly the rabbits, the birds and the mice begin to sew you a dress
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
The point is... Is Imma hug you like a panda nd you`re gunna like it.!(: