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How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
is available for rebound sex.
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
Plastic Surgery is Photoshop for people who go outside.
I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
I sure did waste a lot of time as a kid practicing my autograph.
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
“The darndest things.” -kids
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.