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Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
Waking up an hour early gives you an extra hour to wish you were still in bed.
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari
Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!