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This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
The final stage of adulthood is when you start saying, "Oooh, that breeze feels nice."
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I`m sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.
For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I`m on a `secure line`
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.