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You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
Is there another word for synonym?
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"