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Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
Are you reading this from a toilet? I’m writing this from one.
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
Nothing says God is forgiving like hell.
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
I’m a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.
Screw love... I`d rather fall in chocolate.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice.