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Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
Meant to tell my kid "Good night, I love you," but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school tomorrow because this is bullsh!t"
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
Only a fool trips on what`s behind him.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids
Going to Target. See you in about two hundred bucks...
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?