Daily Silly Status

Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.

I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.

I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.

Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.

I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.

I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.

I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.

just read a list of "the 100 things to do before you die." I´m pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn´t one of them.

If I say “it’s a great day to be alive,” it’s because those are literally my only plans.

ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable

I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.

My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone

I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!

I’ve found that I can usually judge how hot a woman is by how many times my girlfriend calls her a whore.