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I wish my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
I`m getting sick of seeing all these lyric status`s, it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
dont love..dont hurt...keep doing flirt..:)
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
I wanted to book an Elvis impersonator for a party so I phoned them up and got a call centre. It said `press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.`
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.