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Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
I`m sorry did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
Behind every great women is a man checking out her a$$
Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
Why do ballerinas always stand in their toes? Why don`t they get taller dancers?
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.