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If you need help moving I am one hundred percent there for you emotionally.
One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
I`m going to get one of those "My Family" stick figure decals for the back of my car. It`s going to be me, a bottle of whiskey, and a pizza.
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
Dog Found: Now we are bros, so he`s staying. Don`t call, don`t make it weird.
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?