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I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
A woman’s anger is like a check engine light; there’s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative