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Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
Insert coin to view my status message.
I bet now a lot of doctors are going to be reluctant to respond to “Is there a doctor on the plane?”
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
I’m not stupid. I’m just too lazy to show how smart I am.
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
I live in fear of finding hidden cameras in my house & not being able to explain why I do all those random karate kicks directed at no one.
No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don`t want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.
Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.