Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
I don`t ever need to go sky diving or bungee jumping. Leaving a pizza in the oven while I make a quick run to Walgreens is about all the adrenaline rush I can handle.
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
Life is like toilet paper....either you`re on a roll....or you`re taking sh*t from some asshole
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I’m right.
"Wow, you look good today!” is not a compliment if it comes with a genuinely surprised look.
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
I only support ghost hunting if you need the ghost for food.
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)