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Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
?-- that guy is cute ?
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
I was sitting in traffic the other day. That’s probably why I got run over.
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
The last time I went to a nude beach I got a ticket. The officer said I was applying my sunscreen...Too Fast.
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.