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is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
what happends when chemists pass away...We Barium.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.
When I say "Have a nice day." Remember the f*cker on the end is silent.