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Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
I saw that! - Karma
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
If something on this page offends you, please bring it to our attention so we can all laugh at you.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
Let’s all agree to stop saying “I read about it somewhere” and admit that we saw it on Law and Order.
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.
Lightning is like God`s way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.