Daily Silly Status

I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers

Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`

Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them

So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.

I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them

Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.

I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.

Guys you should never overreact when you hear the words, " The babysitter is late."

It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?

Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.

Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav

Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?