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They should make an app that tells me how many Oreos I can eat for every mile I jog.
I chose the wrong fork in the road, took the road less travelled and got off the beaten path and now I don`t know where the hell I am.
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
News flash, ladies. Men are settling for you, too.
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!