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I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.
PMS is no joke, you guys. I just ate like three bags of Reese`s Pieces. Oh, and my wife`s really being a bitch.
I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
Maybe my goal was to be a 35 year old loser on the Internet ... You don`t know.
Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
My favorite iOS7 feature is how it distracts me from the fact that I`m wasting my life poking a glass screen.
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?
Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.