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Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
Note to Self: Wearing headphones do not make my farts silent.
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.