Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
The black sheep always have the best stories.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c`mon...even I`ve done THAT!"
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.