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You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
Inspirational status of the day: Don`t be a douche.
It`s been scientifically proven that originally there were only five fruit cakes ever made!
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore.
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?