Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God or man has rested.
I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
Don`t do drugs. Become a Pop star and they give `em to you FOR FREE!
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
My anger management class pisses me off
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
"Oh my god, you`ve gotten so fat! Want me to make you something to eat?" - my mom