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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
The 3 fastest means of communication: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
Your personality needs alcohol.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you`re one of them.
Trying to figure out how to ask a girl on a first date of Netflix and pizza without sounding all serial killery
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one