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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
I hate to sound racist, but.. all of your baby ultrasounds look the same.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
I keep having this dream that I`m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.