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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don`t know how to play chess.
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Where do all the ice cream men go in winter?
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.