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Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
There aren’t enough days in the weekend.
I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.