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Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "Oh dear, this is going to take more than one night."
When I was kid, I... No wait, I still do that.
The sense of success when you’ve had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.
I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.