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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
when my swear jar gets full I`m going to use the money to buy a f*cking puppy
Keep calm and drink on.
I`ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.
Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I`m 100% behind you.
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
I`m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
Fun Things to do : Commenting “not your best” on everybody’s selfies.
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.